HURT .................THIS MORNING , AS i drifted toward consciousness I found I was swimming , in and underrolling waves of pain. My left leg is on the air and broadcasting a "here comes the shit" warning over and over again , annoying and accompanied by a tsunami of fear.
The angry warning message comes first then the attempt by one of the brain managers on duty to "try moving the leg , maybe this bloody warning will stop". movement brings first a sense of the tightening of muscles , my left knee feels tightly wrapped , too tightly , a mysterious pain in the arch of the attached foot and then the crashing of a wall of hurt .
My poor damaged brain floods with fear and panic , it seems to accelerate to 100 miles per hour and it acheived this velocity by lightening the cargo hold , throwing rational thought and reason in the shallow ditch beside this highway and so the method of dealing with this painful assault by putting a foot to the floor , which seems pointless even now becomes perfectly acceptible . In the control room here things are a mess , looks like the place was ransacked and the viewscreen is a blur as we hurtle along at warp #scared shitless and the absence of the broodingly confident Captain Kirk is palpable .
A yellow light bathes our little fear bubble along with another deafeningly stupid klaxon and Scotty's thick accent fills the air "Captain ! the pee chrystals are overloaded if we dont urinate she's gonna blow !!!" Damn!"Scotty , MORE SPEED!!
we dont have any time for that or any power , when the pain hits I dread breathing, both because of the muscle spasms just waiting for a cough or a sneeze or any trigger that will open the gates and invite the hurt in , and because this entire process of building up to and including the spasms is terribly exhausting , I exhale the stored up fear and tensionin a way that leaves me soooo tired so weak, too weak to withstand the attack thats coming , depletes my defences and leaves me open and vuinerable God help me I am terrified of the moment that I can no longer fight , but it is close enough that I can smell it, I'm too tired for this , I feel alone and unarmed and a well stocked army is battering down the doors I am having a great deal of difficulty typing right now , I have little control and no attention span, my breathing is too fast and my thoughts way too slow , well the engine room says pee breakand the cleaning crew wont hear me calling with all these alarms going off so see you in Strokeland Phil
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About Us
- phil
- When one partner suffers a stroke; life is turned upside down, but when you have both partners who have been struck with a serious illness; it can be a devastating blow I was the first one at 47 years of age to suffer with what doctors call a series of thunderclap migraines which resulted in a bleed on the right side of my brain a Cerebral Hemorrhage). After a long series of tests, MRI's, and CT scans, the doctors referred to my "stroke" as "Call Fleming Syndrome"; The date was November 19, 2011. I will never forget that day. Then on July 29, 2014 Phil at 53 was struck down with a massive stroke which resulted in a bleed in the (Basal Ganglia) this was a day that dampened what was the beginning of a joyous summer ;( we had two sons marry Nick in June and Cory in July) This blog voices Phil's experiences on learning to live and walk again. We hope to share our story , experiences, frustrations, and how we have had to struggle, but at the same time still find joy in being together and being alive will help others not only find hope but better understand what a stroke is and steps to take to help avoid one. Each day we find new reasons to get up and do it all again.
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