Pain Management

For 5 long months , in hospital I was able to shower (with assistance only once a week, having an accessible shower in my home was a dream and were it not for my darling wife's efforts it would still be a dream , but she got it done , and beautifully too.  

 For years I showered myself at the beginning and end of each day and I've missed that.  But my dream has a dark lining , the shower chair I have is difficult for me.  Prolonged sitting in any chair but my wheelchair sends my left thigh into unstoppable and terrible painful spasms .  It's like a full body spasm, all muscles tightened to their limit and at the end of it I am physically exhausted. 

 One of the most relaxing moments for me has become one of the most painful , I have a shower planned this morning and I am terrified; scared shitless of the pain ; it will take over my whole day .

 It's hard sometimes to fight the "stay positive" battle , when the pleasurable moments are taken from you , but now the old stubborn me kicks in , "I have to take showers or all the work to get the bathroom renovated was a waste " not gonna happen. my goals these days are more in the low impact , I hate causing extra work or stress for those around me Well there we go , shower is all done , lived through it but damn I am hurting , a lot and the only form of treatment , that will make my pain stop is essentially unavailable to me right now , through trials on our own , the beautiful Dar and I have found a soloution. 

I am here before you , a living breathing piece of proof of the fact that politicians want kept from you MARIJUANA WORKS my friends after the first attempt I went from mid-spasm to pain free immediately , the offending muscles relaxed right away and the relief was wonderful.   I am becoming so fatigued by pain , it rules my life and the pills , the painkillers and muscle relaxers dont work.   No effect but messing up my internal organs , massage is pointless , havent tried acupuncture yet but you'd probably have to get me high to try that .

smile emoticon , I have spoken with my children and told them my reasons for this new direction , to my doctor , my mom , I want to still make my impact minimal ( very important to me )and not cause embarrassment or awkwardness , I just want to say bye -bye to the pain and the exhaustion that travels with it. the answer I received from my doc and my loved ones was a unanimous "if it stops your pain , go for it !"and I am . so I will try not to preach or try to refrain from ramming this down the throats of the survivors out there , I know me and I can be pretty annoying (I saw that da:) the fact that to end my pain , I have to put my friends and family in danger of prossecution is criminal , as is denying a truth to those out there who suffer through unbelieveable pain , it is wrong. I think I always knew it was wrong but I didnt raise my voice until it affected me personally bothers me , the fact that I was not only blindfolded but that I allowed it to happen is offensive to me , now I'll never shut the hell up later Phil