SHAKE THE HAND OF THE MANGO MAN

.............-This morning's dilema , the anxiety of life changes , the always there kind of anxiety that sets the tone , flavors the very air here in strokeland . Today my little constant companion (anxiety) is whispering in my ear"you're gonna be a grandfather ! do you know how ?" "you better not suck at this !"... and they're off , worry in the lead and insecurity a close second. wakefulness greets me with a soundtrack this sunny morning the beach boys and Sloop John B , jimmy Buffet , son of a son of a sailor and images and snippets of memory of my own grandfathers , so old to my young mind ("not young anymore ! whispers anxiety ) so wise and strong and grandfathery WOW , am I ready ? I have felt this way before I recall felt the terror of this kind of life change my first days as a husband as a father and those moments were scary but they worked out ok , I'm still a husband and a dad , I didnt screw that up ! and I feel for my son Nick as he does his own anxiety dance. He's gonna be a wonderful dad, he had the benefit of a strong , responsible , wise and loving parent, his mom Dar who had to parent the boys and me for so many years. What did I learn from my grandfathers?? well , from my dad's dad I learned that everyone likes the guitar and the value of weirdness and humour , embrace the weirdness !! his name was John. A man comfortable in his surroundings who was quick with a joke or a smile or a song who gave me the gift of a musical soul . and my mom's dad who showed me the value of intelligence , a brilliant nan who listened to my explanation of Star Wars like I was outlining a plan for world peace , kind and loving and quick to bursts of laughter letting me know that if you have some intelligence and feel awkward or different all the time , you may not have enough !and if you feel like you are the only one with intelligence , surrounded by lost souls who need you to guide them it's time to get over yourself and get out of Wal -Mart!! Well what can I offer ?? I cant play guitar very well anymore , and this baby's parents are both much more intelligent than I am , I never pictured myself as a grampa growing up and I never did it picturing a wheelchair pirate grampa. Am I up to this challenge? my inabilities stand like hurdles in my path , I know that Dar will walk ahead knocking them down but damnit I wanna jump over them . I mean , what's cooler than your old wheelchair pirate gramps kicking hurdles over ? Right ?? damn right !?!? I am putting anxiety to bed now ! I'm not the perfect husband but I've been one for 30 years , not a perfect dad but my sons are all great people I never ran from challenge before... and wheeling away from challenge isnt as dramatic ! so when our trails cross say "hi Grampa Phil or "move aside you old wheelchair pirate @%$# but dont ask me to back up , these wheels dont turn that way !!!!... old W/P @#$%$##@‪#‎Phil‬