........................woke up stretched took inventory , arms yes legs check , only half of them work but they're all present and accounted for , ever present worry and fear , yup 10-4 good buddy , both here , and at the forefront this morning ?
The worry that I may somehow embarrass my family during one of the upcoming family functions , say the wrong thing , running nose , drool on myself , all things I could control once upon a time , I attributed a lot of this feeling to the loss of confidence but in truth it is the horrible instance that you realize that the control , the sheer will of self image is not in your hands completely , you are no longer running the show !,
There's a new guy at the wheel and he's just as stubborn and opinionated as the old one, just a bit different , I am blessed with a great family , my dad planted , tended and grew a crop of humour in us that is a treasured gift , they are a caring and supportive bunch and I will be in a safe and loving environment, but it is me I worry about I am riding myself the hardest , I hate the thought of being embarrassing to my loved ones .
I 've never done this kind of socializing from a wheelchair before , I am acutely aware of the difficulties posed by my in abilities , I so want to be at my best , I am working overtime at supressing the unpredictable and waking up my old inner control freak.
C'MON PHIL I NEED YER HELP ! and so my fellow wanderers , out here in the flattened wastes of strokeland , as you make your way , keep your fingers crossed(unaffected side please) for me as I turn slightly away from my inner search for the me I remember and dig deeper into what is left to see if the pride , determination and strength are still there, wish me luck Phil
About Us
- phil
- When one partner suffers a stroke; life is turned upside down, but when you have both partners who have been struck with a serious illness; it can be a devastating blow I was the first one at 47 years of age to suffer with what doctors call a series of thunderclap migraines which resulted in a bleed on the right side of my brain a Cerebral Hemorrhage). After a long series of tests, MRI's, and CT scans, the doctors referred to my "stroke" as "Call Fleming Syndrome"; The date was November 19, 2011. I will never forget that day. Then on July 29, 2014 Phil at 53 was struck down with a massive stroke which resulted in a bleed in the (Basal Ganglia) this was a day that dampened what was the beginning of a joyous summer ;( we had two sons marry Nick in June and Cory in July) This blog voices Phil's experiences on learning to live and walk again. We hope to share our story , experiences, frustrations, and how we have had to struggle, but at the same time still find joy in being together and being alive will help others not only find hope but better understand what a stroke is and steps to take to help avoid one. Each day we find new reasons to get up and do it all again.
No comments:
Post a Comment