Theme Park

June 14/15

Strength , for me it was always a strong back that I counted on , used it as a part of my identity , it helped friends move , helped endure ridiculous work pressures and it paid the bills for a long time while the brain took a nap , I lost several bits of my identity when I entered this stroke survivor theme park .

 The way I used to look , my voice my tools for coping , a big guy with a guitar always in his hand was me , the guitar a part of my look as well as the sound of my voice . Oh there's still strength in here somewhere, but the drawer that I used to keep it in is empty, the landscape of the place my brain exists, is different, it’s alien and weird. There’s an actor in a lizard suit holding a nasty looking prop boulder made of styrofoam over his head behind those rocks over there and none of my stuff is where I left it! The docs believe that during the stroke apocalypse there was scarring, a lot of bombed out rubble that includes the place in my grey matter where I kept the part that informs me when to be hungry and or thirsty. Now this is a drawer I kept open for a long time, stood in front of it for hours whining that "I'm hungry"! and there's nothing to eat (trust me I always found something I just want to look like Phil again (////I’m not asking for Brad Pitt here) and to sound the way I want to sound . a big throaty loud Les Paul sound and to feel like me , I can’t bring myself to ask to be just like I was before , I was a poster boy for stroke awareness , a hair trigger waiting for the big bang and as much as I would love to have all the answers my dear fellow survivors. 

 It occurs to me as I sit here typing with my one finger that it is not for me to point your way on this rocky path , but to hold out my hand and step onto the trail at your side , let’s explore this alien place together , make a list of where we find all our stuff , let’s face it , we were comfy with it being where we left it but it didn’t do us all that much good back then, I will try to keep up and carry my share but I'm having strength issues , if it concerns you just look for Dar , if she's with me I'm strong enough we'll be ok . watch out for the "gorn" behind that rock over there, I'll try to warn you about the obstacles and confusion and along the way , like I am now we may learn a thing or 2 about letting go of what was and embracing your new Brad Pitt , getting used to how he thinks and sounds , if the building blocks were solid the new guy will probably do alright and if your new guy is in a place with a purple sky rocking a lizard mask and a fake boulder we're gonna be meeting real soon , ... beam me up Scotty...McCoy out