I
am not particularly afraid of adversaries; the height of battle will usually
occur in my brain. I study them, learn and anticipate their actions or lack of, and
I have depended for most of my life on intellect over brawn.
unfortunately my
most recently acquired adversary is aware of this, has studied it and
anticipated it , my newest nemesis is my own brain. MY BRAIN, that traitorous
thing that abandoned ship when the stroke occurred , is waging war on me .
Communication to some of the major limbs has been disturbed; (can't bring
myself to say severed) and my enemy has studied me intensely , knows what I
will say or do , how to push all of my buttons and question all of my feelings,
I try to take a deep breath and start the day positively , that evil thing
turns it against me " it’s going to be bad , " bad things will
happen " and not just any things , the things I fear most deeply are used
against me and how do I defend against it ? My emotions are no longer my own I
am a weepy mess over the simplest problems and the confidence that helped me
through so many years is in hiding.
A terrible and cunning thing is plotting
against me in ways I have not even thought of yet . I have convinced my loved
ones that I am losing my grip seemingly by wanting to grow my hair, put in my
old earring and generally try to embrace my most rebellious side, the part of
me that was always so resourceful and never seemed to rely on intellect to make
decisions...so if you run into me and I’m sporting a new face tattoo. Don’t think
“oh my god he's lost his mind “think instead "oh my god he still has his
mind. later, Phil
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